I guess, once again, I don’t really have much to say except maybe a few [maybe a lot of] random things :]

Lent started this past Wednesday and I’ve given up all drinks except water and milk [milk because my mom will kill me if I don't drink it... O___o I'm not exaggerating! She says I'm too short...]. So it’s going well right now. And you know how on Sundays you’re allowed to do/eat/drink/whatnot whatever you gave up? Well, I guess I’ve just decided not to indulge in my thirst so I’m fasting on Sundays too. Because participating in Lent is supposed to be so that we, as Christians, suffer in order to know what Jesus was suffering by giving up something that we enjoy a lot. It’s so that whenever we crave/yearn what we give up, we understand the pain and suffering Jesus went through on the cross for us sinners. In my case, I love coffee and sodas. This past year I’ve become addicted to coffee in order to stay awake, so I’ve given up drinking it for Lent. Water and milk it shall be!

And I signed up for Confirmation classes to be confirmed on Easter. I’m super duper excited about that :]

This past Friday night I posted my first video on facebook of me singing and [failing at] playing the guitar. I definitely need to buy a mic so I can play my piano instead… But anyways, the feedback from everyone has been amazing. I feel that God gave me a talent for music [but I definitely need to hone my skills some more] and that He wants me to use it to glorify Him. And I’m definitely feeling loved and cherished by everyone who’s supported me. It makes me want to post more videos [which I might, I'm not too sure yet]. I just want to thank you all so much :]

SC All-State Orchestra is this weekend [Friday, Saturday, and Sunday]. It’s exciting, especially since it’s my LAST ONE! But unfortunately… it’s on my birthday.. AGAIN. And I’ll be playing my violin for 9 hours that day… JOY! [Can you sense my sarcasm? Hahahaa] I’ve been in All-State since 7th grade.. and this is like the 4th time I’ve had to spend my birthday at All-State… It kinda stinks. But, well, I guess I’m used to it now… kinda.. :/

MY BIRTHDAY IS SATURDAY!!!!! I’M TURNING 18!!!!! AHHHHHH! I’m really excited. Can you tell? Hahahha :] So I’m not really a big fan of my birthday. To be honest, I’ve never really cared to much about it [.. a lot in part because I've never really celebrated it in the past like.. oh 6 years? Mostly because of All-State] But I make a big deal out of everyone else’s birthday. I’m weird, huh? But yea. Since I’m turning 18, I’m kinda excited. It’s like I’m an adult… almost :] But yea. And my mom’s birthday is Sunday!! Yes, I was a born a day before her birthday! Crazyy cool, huh? Plus she’s a twin! But you don’t have to know her age.. :]

I went to The Silver Ring Thing today. It’s basically a Christian rally about staying pure, no sex before marriage. So to all you people out there! WAIT! Don’t make the biggest mistake of your life when in fact it could be the greatest moment of your life :] You don’t want to regret the gift God has given us by throwing it away meaninglessly! But for those of you who have already failed. Don’t be afraid. God always gives second chances to those who are truly repentant! You can start anew :]

And so I was definitely gonna say something else…. but I forgot…. OOPS?! Oh well. Maybe next time :]

But I guess that’s all for today. Lots of rambling… HAHAHAHAA :] Sorry… [Oh have you notice? I laugh a lot... I don't know why... I just love to laugh... O___o]

Okayyy. This is really the end. ~ Peace.

So I definitely haven’t been keeping up with this blog for a while. It’s been like two weeks! But I have so much going on right now… everything is so hectic.

But you know why my life is stressful all the time? I realize that I am such a slacker! I mean, my life is already busy and filled to the brim with church, violin, piano, and school. So all the free time I get, I like to either just sit back and relax, which is basically wasting any extra time that I have, or sleep. I guess to just sum it all up, I bring all this hardship on myself. D:

I guess I don’t really have much to say today, but I’ll just rant about my life and just add in some random thoughts that come to my mind. :]

I have been procrastinating my butt off in school, and as a result, my grades suck. :[ It's so sad. I remember those days when I would study diligently every single day... HAHAHA. Not anymore. So my Whittle notecard is due this Friday, but I'm still only like halfway finished with my book, not to mention 2 other works of criticisms I have to read along with that.. I'm in big trouble.

But I also have an AP Chemistry test this Thursday on 2 chapters, which are review but still, and yea.. we've only studied the material for like... 3 days. Hopefully I'll do well, but I just really don't feel like opening that fat book and reading.

And GUESS WHAT?!? I have a violin audition Saturday for scholarship money in case I decide to go to USC Honors, which I'm hoping not. But yea... I have to play two pieces and one of them I just started last week.. And it's pretty hard. No joke. So yea, I just practiced an hour and a half and I should practice more, but my fingers hurt. So no more tonight. But I think either way, I'm just going to have to rely on luck. ..... Sigh... actually, I should probably practice..

But to some good news! God has definitely given me this wonderful opportunity to lead the Middle school girl's small group! At first, I was really hesitant because I'm already the praise team leader on Friday nights, so I already have my hands full, but I think that God really wanted me to do both, so I am! I'm really excited. All the little girls are so sweet, and I'm excited to get to know them better and just bond with them as we all grow closer to Christ. So definitely pray for me in that God will give me the strength, perseverance, and knowledge to fulfill His command. :]

Sadly, that’s really the only good news. =____= I could totally complain more because there’s so much more to complain about, but I’d rather not. I don’t like complainers… even though I have clearly just complained here.. gahh :[[

It's so sad looking back at myself and wondering, "Where did all my motivation go?' .... "It flew out the window." That's for sure. I'm being plagued by a horrible case of SENIORITIS.

Ahh. I'm so tired as usual. Ironically, I've fallen asleep in Whittle's class for the past like... 2 days or so. IT'S SO SAD. I really need to stay awake. Or maybe I should sleep more.... Or maybe I should sleep less? Because I definitely sleep a lot. .... .... I don't know... I'm just confusing myself. Hahahahaa :]

OH! And I had a migraine today, or so my friend, David, tells me. The front right half of my brain right underneath my forehead started killing me all of a sudden. It was like the weirdest feeling in the world. Haha…

Well, let’s just hope that everything [as in my life!] turns out okay. I’m definitely going to be praying, and I definitely need your prayers. :]

“Motivation? Hey little buddy! Where are you?~  Come here.~  tsk tsk”

WHAT?!!??!?! WHY?!?

Because it might ice rain/snow the day of the pageant, so Richland 2 District Office might cancel the event this weekend since it is still considered a “school function.”

I AM FREAKING OUT, and I know I’m not the only one. I’ve been looking forward to this day for like the past 3 months, no matter how nervous I am. All of us girls have been practicing the opening number, our talents, walking, etc. and to have been told that the event might be postponed TWO days before the pageant just doesn’t seem fair.

Because after the pageant was over, I was planning to get back on track and focus with everything that I need to do. I have piano and violin auditions coming up really soon, but because of pageant rehearsal, I loose about 4 hours of possible free time I could have had to do homework or practice every week. I’d be able to focus. I’d be able to have a little more time to myself without having to worry and stress over the pageant. I wouldn’t be so nervous!!!!

Not to mention all the inconveniences delaying the pageant will cause. Some of the girls have relatives flying in from out of state to see them, most people have taken time out of their schedules to come see us, and it’s not like we can refund people that have bought tickets.. And it’s going to be really hard to inform EVERYONE who’s bought a ticket that the event has been postponed. Plus, who knows what other disasters!!!

But in any case, we might have to wait one more week, and I know that I don’t want to. So I’m just praying to God that the showers will head more north and completely miss us. I don’t want there to be ice. I want to have the pageant.

But at the same time, I know that just because I want this and I pray for it doesn’t mean that God is going to answer my prayer with a “Yes.” It might be His idea to make it ice rain/snow this weekend and to delay the pageant because He has something bigger planned for all of us. But what it is? I DON’T KNOW. :[[[ But either way, I'm still going to pray that it doesn't ice rain :]

I hope you will all pray with me! Because I know all of us girls want to have the pageant this weekend. However, the outcome is ultimately up to God.

God works according to His time.

Unexpectedly. :]

So I’ve always known that I’ve been extremely indecisive, but I never knew I had it this bad! :[ Okay. So I'm in the pageant at my school [which is coming up January 30th... O_O Ahhhhhhhhh!] and I CANNOT decide which song I want to sing:  Hallelujah or I Will Always Love You. Both songs are amazing and are sung by phenomenal artists [I wish I could sound that great!] but I can’t decide which one I’d rather sing. But I need to decide soon… as in TOMORROW! O____O

Well, I’ll try to write what I think about each song.

Hallelujah. Such a powerful song. The words [even though I have only time to sing 2 verses out of 4] are just… yea. Powerful. The theme mainly focuses on how a person drew away from God, but found God again, and is crying out Hallelujah as a broken person. Like I said, powerful. The melody itself is quite peaceful yet catchy. It’s also slightly on the low side, but there are moments where it gets into the upper range of my voice. The song is more of a ballad-y type, or R&B. I’m not too sure. But it’s not too hard to sing, but my fingers on the piano have to be constantly moving because I have to imitate the finger picking of a guitar. So at times, it takes a toll on my brain…

I Will Always Love You. Beautiful song [hopefully I don't ruin it]. The melody is constantly moving. This song covers my entire vocal range. And it also pulls out different textures of my voice because of how I arranged it to sing. The beginning verse starts off a cappella [no piano] and then in the first chorus my right hand comes in on the piano very softly. And then later on, I put in a key change for the last chorus. In hopes of making the song really dynamic. :] The words, as you might have guessed, are ones that are telling a lover goodbye because of love. So hopefully I can evoke the same emotions when I sing because I kind of understand the feeling. I think this song is slightly more difficult than Hallelujah in terms of singing, but piano-wise, Hallelujah is maybe a little more difficult.

I absolutely love both songs. To be honest, I’ve definitely spent more time singing I Will Always Love You, but I love Hallelujah soooo much, too. So I can’t decide. TT___TT

This is my current dilemma.

In addition to that, I asked myself. “Why am I in this pageant?” And you know what slapped me in the face?! I realize that I’m actually in it for myself… And I know that I shouldn’t be. Because as a Christian, I should be living my life to glorify God at all times, but I’m in the pageant for me. So I’m hoping that I can change my mind set, and let my intentions be pure and holy to God. And hopefully I can make a decision on which song to sing… :]

Actually, sometimes it really does hurt to hope, to have faith in something. Because sometimes, everything that you ever hoped for, everything that you ever wanted, it just falls right through your fingers. Time passes and it’s like nothing was ever special in the first place. And then you think to yourself, was all that time, effort, and love wasted? Was it better to have never loved, to never have hoped? To never have had to endure the pain when the person, who held your heart and all of your faith in the palm of their hands, failed you? It hurts. Wishes and faith can hurt. But you see? It only hurts when you put faith in materialistic and mundane things. When you feel the pain, it’s like a wake up call from God telling you, ”You didn’t put me first. So I am going to remind you.”

I remember part of a sermon by Pastor Lee on Sunday when he said [something along the lines of]:

“If you put your faith in the world, the world will fail you. You can only have complete faith in God because He won’t ever fail you. He only wants the best for you.”

Isn’t that so true? I mean, yes, what God wants for you isn’t always what you want and you might end up feeling sad or confused because you didn’t get what you wanted. But think about it. Who are we to assume that we know what God wants for us? Compare to Him, we are nothing. Absolutely NOTHING. I think it’s amazing that God would even bother to care about us disgusting humans. But He does; He created us in his perfect image, but we were the ones who sinned against Him. But God still loves us. If you put that into perspective, we should be thankful for everything that we have. We don’t deserve anything. We shouldn’t even ask for anything. We’re simply not worth it. But even with all of the burdens we carry on our shoulders and the sins that we bear, God’s love for us is unfailing, unchanging, and everlasting. Isn’t that great?!?! Don’t you just feel so amazed? Reassured? I hope so.

So for those of you who are reading this and aren’t Christian, I want to encourage you to look into your lives. What are you living for? Do you live for money? Popularity? Selfish satisfactions? If you are, WHY are you? If you think deeply, are you even satisfied? Are you satisfied with the life that you’re living? Are you satisfied with the person you are? I don’t think there is a single person out there who is. Because in this world, there is no perfect being. There is no one or anything that can really satisfy what we have in our hearts. We don’t even know what it is that we truly yearn for. That’s why we think we want so many materialistic things and relationships that are merely momentary satisfactions for the empty void in our hearts.

Look to the Lord. With Him, you really don’t need anything else. Why? It’s because you’ll finally realize that nothing here on earth really matters. Well yes, family, true friendships, love, etc. are all very important, and everyone needs to treasure these. But in comparison to what God offers us? They can’t even measure.

Think about your life. Are you truly satisfied? Are you confused? Because it is confusing. But all it takes is faith. In the hard times, during the times when you want to give up the most, when you feel completely helpless. Even when everything seems perfectly fine. Life is only momentary. So we have to make the best out of it. We have to make the right decisions. We have to choose God.

You can believe in Him. I believe it. :]

2010. The year I turn 18. The year I [finally!!!!] graduate high school. The year I’m fully on my own, going to college. It’s the year that I close a chapter full of 18 years of my life and open a completely fresh and new chapter. I’m so excited!

But at the same time, I’m super scared. So many of my friends have changed so much after they’ve gone to college. Whether its good or bad, I just know that they’ve changed. But you see? I’m not afraid of changing. Change is usually a good thing. But what I’m afraid of is what’s lying ahead of me.

People always come up to me and ask, “Where are you going to go to college? What are you going to major in? What do you want to be when you grow up?” And do you want to know my answer? I DON’T KNOW!!!!

I have yet to find out if I’ve been accepted or not into my dream school. My major, my future? I’m just so undecided! There are so many things that I want to explore. Sooo many more concepts and subjects I want to study! And you’re asking me RIGHT NOW what I want to do in the future? Well, I’m very sorry, because I have no clue.

I have no clue what God has decided for me. Yes, I know that whatever it is will be the best for me, and most likely something that I will truly enjoy. But whatever that is, wherever I go, or whoever I eventually end up becoming, it all depends on God (and a bit on me, too).

So either way. I’m excited. I’m scared. I’m ready for this new year!

And what’s a New Year without making a resolution or setting a goal? There are so many I have in mind, but one that I really really really want to work hard at is: evangelizing. I realize that all of my friends know that I am a Christian, Presbyterian in denomination. But sometimes I wonder to myself. “What am I doing?” Do you know what the answer is? NOTHING. And that’s the problem. I have so many friends who aren’t Christian, yet here I am, sitting around doing nothing, as if the world is all nice and dandy. But it’s not. Because who knows? The life could end tomorrow, or even today! I need to take the time NOW and use it to spread God’s word. His gospel. So many people just don’t know! And as a friend and Christian, I really want to reach out to my friends who don’t know of how great God’s love is and just how important He is and needs to be in our lives. We need Him. People need to know that. And that’s my mission.

So! Pray for me, and that the Lord with give me the strength to do His will. And I wish all of you a Happy New Year!!

God Bless <3

“This is a new year, this is a new day to rise, shine, lift up your eyes. This is a new year, this is a new day to rise, shine, and point the way to God’s great life.”

I pray that everyone will truly appreciate how much the Lord has done for us in our lives. We don’t deserve anything that we have, yet our Father has given us everything through His son.

Thank you so much, Lord. <3

Merry Christmas everyone!!

Okay, so a lot of people say that they “feel better” afterwards because they’re relieved of stress. Psychologists are even trying to argue that it has been proven. And other people say that “it’s a natural part of life, everyone swears.” Um, HELLO?! Excuse me… I don’t swear, and I’m pretty sure that I’m not the only one who doesn’t either. Thank you very much.. But I have to admit, I have a lot of friends and acquaintances that do curse. Even Christians that I know do, even though it says in the Bible:

“For, whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech.” – Peter 3:10

This is just one example from many in the Bible that tells us, as followers of Jesus Christ, that we shouldn’t use our mouths to curse others because it’s a sin.

But a friend of mine brought up something interesting:  ”Any word can be used as a curse word even though it’s not one. So saying an actual curse word doesn’t differ from saying another word that isn’t a curse word.” Yes, I completely agree with that. If in your heart the word “idiot” holds the same meaning as a curse word and you use that word to hurt someone, that word is a curse word. But by attempting to use this reasoning as an excuse doesn’t justify why it’s okay to curse. Why? Because it’s not okay. Do you know why I think so?

First off, as Christians, shouldn’t we be examples to the world? The Bible tells us not to swear, so we shouldn’t. But people still do? I don’t know if it’s out of ignorance or from not knowing or understanding what the Word of God has told us to do, but either way, cursing is a sin. It’s also very disrespectful, not only to other people and God, but even towards yourself. In addition, if you have younger siblings, cousins, or even friends who look up to you and all you ever say are curse words, what kind of impact do you think you’ll have on them? You’ll influence them to curse too, maybe even at an extremely early age [Which I find ridiculous when elementary school children are using curse words! What kind of nonsense is going on?!?].

And personally, I really dislike cursing. I find it very crude, not to mention rude and degrading, so I try to let those around me know that I really cannot stand it. But sometimes, I’m afraid to tell them. I think to myself, “What if they become angry with me and we fall apart as friends?” Because so many of my friends, even though I tell them that i don’t appreciate cursing, they still curse around me. In some cases, I am more understanding, especially if something extreme happens, but most of the time, I just cringe at ever swear word that is let into the air. I find it extremely sad when my Christian friends curse because sometimes I wonder to myself, “Are they really Christian? Are they even trying to not curse?”

Of course I’m not saying that I’ve never cursed in my life, because I have. But let me tell you, the last time I cursed out loud was in the 7th grade, before I fully understood and willingly accepted the love of God. But that’s the last time I said a curse word physically. Mentally, there have been so many instances in which my initial instinct was to want to curse. But I didn’t. Why? Because I new that it did not please the Lord.

So I just want to encourage all of you to reflect upon your choice of words. If you think that cursing isn’t a sin, well, you’re wrong, because it actually is. But it’s your call. And I just want to remind you:

“With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.”

- James 3:9-12

PS: This is a quote from a website – “Jesus explained that what comes out of our mouths is that which fills our hearts. Sooner or later, the evil in the heart comes out through the mouth in curses and swearing. But when our hearts are filled with the goodness of God, praise for Him and love for others will pour forth. Our speech will always indicate what is in our hearts.”

What do YOU think? [comment]

First off, in Sunday school class, and in the sermon today, the topic of “change” came up. Change as in:  It’s a time to change yourself [personality, habits, thoughts, etc.]. And even though the message was tied into the coming of Christmas and how it’s time to change, I actually think that everyday is a time to change. I mean, if your life isn’t one that is pleasing in the eyes of God, don’t you think that the ideal choice would be to change yourself and your lifestyle? If the words that are coming out of your mouth are ones that are used to blasphemy people, shouldn’t you want to fix it? If the thoughts that are running through your mind are sinful ones, wouldn’t you want to change it? Of course changing is not easy in the least, but what’s frustrating is that when most people say, “I’m trying to change,” they actually aren’t trying in the least. The words that they say are simply meaningless because in their hearts, they’re too stubborn and selfish, unwilling to change for the glory of God. They would rather remain as they are, living their lives full of sin and selfish desires. But then they turn around and say, “I really am trying.” Excuse me, reality check. NO, they aren’t truly trying, these people just think and say that they are. There is a difference between the two. Because if you have God as your focus, and if you are relying on Him and seeking for His guidance and deliverance, there is no way that anyone wouldn’t be able to “change” if they were truly trying. There is absolutely NO WAY that anyone couldn’t. So it’s pointless for people to go and try to delude themselves. Of course this doesn’t mean that changing yourself will be easy. Definitely of not! The process will be long and gruesome, but if you truly wish to change and are trying to do so while relying on God, eventually you will be able to change. That’s what I believe. [End of this rant]

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If you say, “I don’t think I can,” then guess what? You can’t. You have to always think “I can do this!”

- my Mommy <3

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So  I also learned about something that happened not too long ago that I couldn’t believe. What? I can’t say, sorry. But what I do want to say is that situations like this will arise at any moment, at any time, and to anyone. It will cause people heartache, it’ll create mistrust and malice, and it might break some people. But you should know, if you come to the realization that “Jesus is all that I need,” you will be fine. I know. You know why? Because even though this has happened to me, I’m okay :]

But this year, my cousins from Pittsburg are coming down with my GRANDMOTHER [I miss her so much!] for Christmas here in Columbia! It’s so exciting. I haven’t seen them in forever! And if you think about it, Christmas is almost here! Only what… 13 more days?!?! WOW! Where did the time go?

Anyways, our Christmas tree is pretty amazing, if I do say so myself. Having it in our living room just brightens everything, even my mood every time I look at it while I pass by. Can you tell it’s fake? I can’t :] But here’s a picture of it! I tried taking a photo, but since my parents were sleeping, I had to take it in the dark, plus it’s crooked and slightly blurry. Sorry! But you get the gist :] It’s even prettier with the room lights on!

Oh! I just remembered something that our pastor told us last week, “The Christmas tree symbolizes the stars that shined through the trees on the night of Jesus’ birth.” I thought that was really neat, especially since it totally ties into the theme of my blog, “brilliant light of the world.” :] Coincidental?!?? Hehee :]

All in all, I hope everyone is looking forward to Christmas to celebrate the birth of our Savior! Don’t forget!! It is the season of giving, not receiving!